What do I do?

Ugh! That's how I've been feeling this week. It seems that all my children (2 in particular) enjoy doing is fighting with each other. I've decided to vent my frustrations here rather than else where (if you know what I mean). I've been wrestling with them all week. I've been struggling with feelings of inadequacy, disgust, rage, fear, helplessness, humor, etc. I'm sure anyone that reads this and is a mother will be able to relate. My mother assures me that I "will miss this" someday. And while I do believe her I'm having a hard time seeing how that is possible.

Sadly, Kyler is a lot like me in the fact that he is a HUGE tease! He will run around here with something over his head that Kamaryn desperately wants. She will run after him screaming that she wants it and he just continues on laughing at the seeming hilarity of it all. Kamaryn, on the other hand is a total drama queen. She flips out about everything with screaming, stiffening all her muscles (effectively turning herself to stone) and turning purple in the face. So far Ashton also loves to tease but it's mostly "pouncing" on daddy or the other kids in great fun.

I love them all so much and wouldn't want to know life without them. But lately....AHHHH! All Kyler does is act like a teenager. I've tried everything I can think of and nothing is working to convince that child that he needs to listen to me and not tell me "no" and not say "but I ...". I think that "but i..." is the favored phrase around here lately. If Ashton could talk I am certain that it would be part of his vocabulary as well. Oh how grateful I am that he only says "da-da", "ma-ma" (mostly when he's sobbing... hee hee), "bye-bye", and "buh" (i.e. boo, book, ball). Why can't that phase last forever?!?

I do understand that children only have the comprehension for certain things, but you would think that hearing at least 20 (if not a million or more) times a day that they need to LISTEN and do what they're told, that they would actually remember that. Alas... 'tis not so.

And yet, I think, perhaps maybe I do not have the comprehension to understand how they think. Perhaps I need to try harder to put myself in my four year-old's shoes and see how he feels. Am I saying "no" too often? Probably. Do I tell him what to do rather than ask him sometimes? Probably. I must try harder.

I know right now that I need to stay in control for things to run smoothly around here. It is so difficult when it is an all day struggle. I am afraid of an adverse reaction with everything I say. How can a simple request to wash hands after a snack turn into a fight? That I just don't quite understand. Anyone? Anyone? It seems that it is the simplest of things that have been setting him off. I am running out of steam.

So, what am I to do? I'm trying my best to be the best mother I can be to my children. I don't want to lose my patience so much. We pray every morning to have a nice day and "do good things like Jesus" as the children put it. I guess maybe that trying to understand better is the answer. I suppose we'll see how tomorrow goes.

I think I need a hug.