Homesickness is never fun.

Especially when you are "technically" home. The problem that I'm having is that I just feel so isolated, so alone. Being away from family is hard. I feel like there is never anyone to talk to. I really miss being able to go visit our parents for a random weekend. I miss seeing my sisters. I still haven't seen my little nieces and they are more than 3 months old now. I try not to think about it but sometimes all that fills my mind is how much I miss everyone. I miss my grandparents so much. They are all aging quickly and I worry that I won't be able to see them very many more times. I grew up with them just minutes away and it is difficult being days away now and not seeing them and having them see us. I worry about when the inevitable happens that I won't be able to attend a funeral because we won't have enough money to go home. I know, I worry too much.

I just need some friends here that I can hang out with but I have the hardest time putting myself out there. I don't know why I'm afraid. I've always been this way, since I was small. I know I need to just overcome my fears. I don't know if it's fear or rejection or something. Any psychologists what to step in and figure me out?? I just sometimes feel incapable of talking to people of making friends. Through my whole life friends have just sort of "found" me. I guess I don't ever know what to say, what to talk about. I get so nervous and scared if I even consider talking to someone. The only place I really have is church and there I'm stuck teaching primary and never get a chance to even see anyone else..sigh.

I do have some wonderful friends that I love more than anything and that help buoy me up every day. But I can't call them and go hang out. They're all too far away.

So, basically all those words were trying to say that I miss you guys! And I love you!